-current update 01/09/07:

 yeckshamesh, hello. Anything new bout me?... well not really. just been working, chillin. i picked up another job(part-time though) just to make extra money for Christmas, pay bills and catch up on some bills. the holidays was hectic cuz i be working 15-16 hr days on both jobs. i go to work 8-5 my office hours and 6-11/12 in my second job. some of you may know what im doin and some dont. I'll just keep it as that =P. the hours on my second job aint to hectic now. so i have a little free time on my hands. now i can go back to the gym and start working on my new year's resolution. i stopped goin for bout 2-3 months. so i gained back most of the weight which i have lost. weekend i dont do anything but work and chill. people would just come over and chill and drink it up with me. my Christmas was good. shopped for presents the last 2 days before Christmas lol. and pretty much got everyone gifts in the same place. New years was cool. Chilled at a friends house and kinda ended early cuz of lil drama. stupid. but anywho. it was a good year. went by real quick. it jsut seemed like yesterday that i was on the road back to chicago from LA on new years day which was last year lol. there was a few changes, bought a crib with my cuzins, new jobs, new friends. Still kept my old ones, of course. But this year, it will be a lil different. Gonna try to make changes within myself for the better. Of course imma stay the same cuz everybody loves me! lol. you better!! so we'll see how it goes. So Dont change that channel! Stay tuned for the next episode of G! (preview for next episode... i move to conquer a new city?! *dun dun dunnnn!*)

Monday mornin...

I guess being the nicest and the most understanding guy in the world doesn't cut it now a days. I mean yes, you can meet many friends and acquaintances(which is a great thing) but in the world of romance, i dont think it'll do you any good. Well to attract the girls to say the least, it wont do you any good. Being an a**hole/jerk, are the ones that have "game" and can win a woman's heart. I would try to be the a**hole/jerk guy, but i just cant. Its just not me. I cant fake the funk.

Or another reason could be the physical attributes. I know im not the hottest guy in the world. But i understand there needs to be at least a lil physical attraction to get each others attention. So maybe that's the reason why i aint so lucky. lol

Or MAYBE thesekinda things just happens to me! lol.. I mean i never really had any luck with the ladies. Maybe it's just my personality, my approach. I dunno. But i can say is that i do have many friends. But i think that is the farthest i can go when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

And if youre asking, there is a girl whom im very much interested in... still. She is one of the most beautiful ladies i have met in my life. She is the kindest, sweetest, and most down to earth i have met. I did have the honor to have dated her in the past. But it didnt work out at that time. And me, being the person i am and also being the person she is, i made an appoint to keep in touch. She is a great person and i will never forget her. She will always be in my heart. I would very much love to be with her again but she would always be in a relationship. So i would kit and stay as friends. I would always be there for her if she needed anything. But now she is single. I talked to her a couple times about us, and she told me she wants to be single. And i care for her a lot and i just want her to be happy so of course i respected her wishes. But im just afraid that she will find another and be with him instead of me. Cuz i truly care for her and i know she cares for me too.  But im not sure how much she cares for me now. I understand single life is fun. No worries, meeting new people, goin out with the friends and just partyin it up all night lol. But i feel in this situation i have her in the tips of my fingers. I feel she could slip away any moment. But i cannot do anythin BUT be her friend. Sometimes i just want to know the future to see if imma end up being with her so i know i dun have to stress so much you know? But i dont. Sometimes i just want to know if there is still a chance for us to be together. And her being the nicest and sweetest person, im not sure if she's just beein too nice to me that she kinda gives me this hope that there's still a chance. She tells me that im so sweet and caring and im too nice. so i dunno how to really take that. Cuz i know how it is. Just too nice to tell them the bottom line cuz you dont want them to get hurt and also lose them as a friend. But i just need the truth you know. I just cant sit here being clueless and confused on how she feels or what i should be doing, you know? I just need a solid yes or no. Because if i do have a chance then i can relax a bit. But If i dont, then it'll be hard for sometime BUT i will accept the fact and try to move on. Of course i will always be there as a friend. But at least i dont have to sit there being confused and all. I understand you cannot force anyone to love you. Relationship is a two way street. Both parties need to have the same feelings for each other to make things work.

But i dunno. This is just how it is. All i can do now is just vent. And for the people that know me, i really dont like to put these personal things up in public and i usually hold a lot of thigns in, but i needed to vent. And well im at werk and i dun have any close friends here to vent to  so i just deceided to write what i felt inside. So i feel a lil better and thanks for listenin(err... reading) lol. yes and im a dork too! =P but yea... thanks again!

"But, it's a fantasy, you won't come true
We never even spoke and your man swears he love you
So, I'm gonna keep all these feelings aside, (that's right)
Keep my dreams alive until the right time...."

the pad

well it's wed morning... and im tired... actually im more sore than tired.. started lifting weights again... cuz lately i just do cardio... i miss lifting weights.. but right now im a lil embarrassed i cant lift as much as before.. i need to get back into that "zone". lol.. i feel so weak. yea.. my chest is sore like  muthertrucker.but i'll get back up there.

but anywho... today after werk gotta go to the new crib and rip out the carpet... oh wait.. did i tell you i just bought a house?! =) yup... cant wait!. hopefully i get to move my stuff in this weekend... but i dunno if my roomies are moving in this weekend though. ..  so we'll see. but yea.. rip out the old carpetup stairs.. and the carpet people will install the new carpets on fri.  so i cant wait to see my new room. but the thing is downstairs is not done yet.. they still have to spackle, paint, replace baseboards and put new parteing in also... so im think that should take about a week and a half...

but yea.. the summer will be great. cuz we have a huge backyard that we can chill, bbq, play ball, volleyball (if anyone wants to bring one).. (and yes all at the same time! that's how big it is!) so i cant wait for the good times to come. but that means i have to make sacrifices since im making the mortgage payments... it wouldnt be so bad but i still have my car payments which will be done in a year and a half =/ ... but yea...

thanks fer takin the time to read this... well i'll be back for more updates... so until then.. hollerrrrrrrrr!